Entertainment

RIP The British Broadcasting Corporation

The Sports Broadcasting Corporation, otherwise known as the Salford Broadcasting Corporation and sometimes referred to erroneously as the British Broadcasting Corporation, is continuing to plumb the depths and try the patience of TV licence payers who are obliged to fund the bloated corporation even if they never view a BBC program. Here is BBC1’s schedule for Saturday 24 March 2012:
  • 6.00 Breakfast (News program mostly sport these days)
  • 10.00 Saturday Kitchen (Cooking for imbeciles who find even following the instructions of celebrity chefs too difficult)
  • 11.30 Little Paris Kitchen (Repeat. In Rachel Khoo, the BBC have found a cooking presenter to rival even Sophie Dahl for ineptitude)
  • 12.00 News (Mostly sport)
  • 12.15 Football Focus
  • 13.00 Formula 1 Malaysian Grand Prix Qualifying Highlights
  • 14.15 John Bishop’s Sport Relief Hell (They got that right. It’s hell for viewers.)
  • 15.15 Sport Relief Highlights
  • 16.30 Final Score
  • 17.10 News (mainly sport)
  • 17.30 A Question of Sport: Extra Time
  • 18.00 Winter Wipeout Celebrity Special (‘Celebrity’ has become code for ‘people you’ve never heard of’ and it’s certainly a wipe-out)
  • 19.00 The Voice (Yet another third-rate ‘talent’ show, the ‘lack of’ in the description being understood)
  • 20.20 The National Lottery (Who thinks it’s entertaining to watch other people win money for 50 minutes? Hosted by a ghastly man who oozes insincerity)
  • 21.10 Casualty (Hospital drama which has been running for 20 years too long)
  • 22.00 News (Mostly sport)
  • 22.20 Match of the Day
  • 23.45 The Football League Show

Never mind, if you hung around until 2.05 you could have watched some news (mostly sport). In case you think you can watch news at other times on the BBC’s News Channel, let me disabuse you: it is mostly sport. Imagine, if you will, what it would have been like on 3 September 1939 if the the BBC had then been as sport-obsessed as it is now. There weren’t many televisions around then so you’d tune into the Home Service at 11.15 in time to hear Neville Chamberlain say, ‘… I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received and consequently this country is…’ and then the announcer would say, ‘I’m sorry to interrupt, but we’re now going over to Salford where a well-known footballer is reported to have stubbed his toe.’

On BBC2 there was assorted drivel most of the day, although there were a couple of films late in the evening which I believe are supposed to be good. There was also How God Made the English. This is quite a good series, but do we really need to be told yet again what a wicked bunch of people we are?

BBC2 used to be the more intellectual channel but any pretence of that has long since been dropped. BBC4 was supposed to take up the mantle but it is almost completely devoted to repeats. The only thing worth watching on Saturday was Inspector Montalbano, an Italian detective series – well, the SBC can’t afford to produce dramas any longer. All the money has gone on sport. The less said about BBC3 the better.
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Charleston

I’m not a great fan of the BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing, but this is just such fun! Not bad for a girl who until recently played a police officer in The Bill.

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